“Why Does My Least Favorite Person Keep Appearing in My Life?”
If you haven’t noticed it already, it may be worth wondering whether your least favorite person keeps appearing in your life. Now, I don’t mean the very same person. I mean reasonable facsimiles of your least favorite person. Your second marriage is to the same man, albeit with a different name, as your first marriage. You start a business with a woman who turns out to be just like the sister you don’t speak to, even though you would have sworn they had nothing in common.
Some people don’t even recognize the similarities, despite having the same intense problems with their least favorite person-people. I worked with one man who married the same woman not twice, but three times. Each was controlling, which he found comforting while dating, but stifling once married. He was shocked when I pointed out they were, essentially, carbon copies of one another.
I worked with a CFO who took four jobs in a row—four—eventually quitting each because she couldn’t stand the fact that the CEO solicited her advice on the direction of the company, then dismissed it. When we did an inventory of the personality styles of the CEOs, they were nearly identical, even though two were female and two were male.
Here’s the truth: Your least favorite person-people don’t just appear in your life. One way or another, you select for them. Because we human beings have radar for reproducing the most intense relationship dramas we have lived through (especially if they have roots early on in one’s life story), most of us will unconsciously choose to include our least favorite person-people in our lives by, for instance, turning down jobs with other CEOs, turning down second dates with other men or women or turning down ventures with other potential partners.
Flawed dramas are imbued with tremendous magnetic energy. It may be negative energy, but that doesn’t change the magnetic power. That’s why people who reproduce the most imperfect dynamics from our past relationships draw us in—until we unearth and SEE the dynamic by looking more deeply at our lives.
Self-defeating patterns and choices only operate underground. Once the unconscious appeal of toxic relationships becomes conscious—through a process of guided introspection (Pain-2-Power life coaching is a good example)—you are free. The magnetic energy that brings your least favorite person-people into your life evaporates.
Needless to say, recognizing these patterns and SEEING them for what they are can be life changing. Imagine the impact of choosing net positive people, again and again, instead of net negative people. Then, instead of imagining it, get started making it happen (if not via Pain-2-Power then with another life coach, counselor or therapist).
Dr. Keith Ablow