Who are You Deep Inside (Truly)? Part III
I’ve written before about the benefit of talking to yourSELF, in a structured way. When you undertake this kind of communication, you give your core self a name—any name will do—and then you begin a dialogue of sorts with him or her. Here’s an example:
Core Chris: No one listened to me. I wanted to be a teacher, nothing else. I was told I would be poor. Why didn’t anyone have any interest in what made me happy about teaching?
Chris: What did make you happy about it?
Core Chris: It feels like it’s too late to even talk about. I feel sad even talking about it. I wanted to do this so badly, for so long. But why get into it when 40 years have gone by?
Chris: Because I want to listen. I want to hear from you. I know I abandoned you, along with everyone else, but not any more.
Core Chris: I liked the idea of being so good at teaching that kids would fall in love with what they were learning and always love learning.
Chris: I remember that. I remember thinking that was possible. I’m going to have to think about how to tap into that energy—that goal. There’s got to be a way to deploy it now.
It may feel stilted going through exercises like this dialogue, at first, but it becomes far less so, as you continue letting the words flow. And it turns out that your core self will show up to talk. Because your core self is eternal.
You can get hints about what you really want to accomplish, the way you want to live your life, the chances you never took (but should) to love someone or defend someone or open up to someone. You can get hints about why relationships with siblings are fractured or why connections to friends have been forgotten. You can get ideas about what the next chapters of your life story ought to be.
You don’t need to change on a dime or become Superman in a phone booth. You can take your core self out for a test drive. That might mean signing up for one course about a topic you recall loving. It might mean taking the chance to start a family, when yours wasn’t exactly the example you want to follow. It might mean simply beginning to forgive yourself for not standing up more for yourself when you were younger, because you were, legit, too vulnerable to do it and without the needed allies to do it.
Once you start letting your core self speak. Once you start listening. Once you begin to believe that it’s not foolish or too late or too risky to take one and then another step in the direction of that core self, you will find it exhilarating. You will find it has its own momentum. And you will find, ultimately, the real, core you.
Dr. Keith Ablow
Click HERE to schedule a complimentary discovery call with Dr. Keith Ablow.