Who are You Deep Inside (Truly)? Part II
Many people worry that, deep inside, there’s nothing more of them than meets the eye. They think the surface they project to others is the same as their core self. Or they think that what existed of a core self has withered away.
Nothing could be further from the truth. The core self is eternal. It doesn’t evaporate. In fact, it doesn’t sit still. If you’ve experienced chronic anxiety or depression, for instance, one of the main reasons may be because your core self has been calling out to you and remains unheard. The longer you keep your core self under wraps, the more insistent it becomes that it must be expressed.
That’s a pretty nice built-in psychological safety system, when you think about it. It functions kind of like an alarm clock that gets louder and louder, the more you sleep through it. Eventually, it will wake you up – and make sleeping through your existence impossible.
But why wait for that?
I had one client insist that his psyche was built like a baseball without cork in the center. He felt like he was comprised of lots of layers of string, but without a solid core. But even that was a start. Because the next question I asked was, “Okay, well who do you think stole it?” And that got us talking, because there was more than one suspect.
See, if you follow the breadcrumbs by asking yourself the next question and the next question, then you will end up back “home.” If you feel like you can’t identify your core interests or passions or opinions, it’s time to wonder who was the person least likely to hear them out. Because once you identify that person, you’re likely to feel sad or angry—and those emotions are, themselves, rooted in your core self. Where else could they be stored, after all. And tapping into the core self—by asking and answering a series of probing questions—will engage your core and begin to allow it to speak more plainly.
More knowledge about what you think you have lost will help you find it. No surprise there, right? Any decent detective would retrace a person’s steps, in order to unravel a mystery. You can do that for yourself.
Don’t be surprised, once you identify those moments or those people associated with your loss of self, if you happen to be driving down the road and remember an interest you used to have, but lost track of, or a deeply held belief you once embraced or an intention of any kind you once held dear. Because once you start to allow the feeling states associated with and held by your core self to be known, your core self will start to communicate more about itself.
You do not have to worry that you are absent that self or that it has no words to describe itself or no particular life story to live. That never, ever happens.
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye. shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: 8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh. findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
Dr. Keith Ablow
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